Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Terrible idea I love it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
