my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
