no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
