I have demons in me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
