I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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