He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
