Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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