i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
