I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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