he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
