I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
