I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
