They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
