i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
