getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
