remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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