He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
