Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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