Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
