I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the raccoons are back...
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