perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
