I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
