Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
