I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
