Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
