you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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