apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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