you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
