True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
