the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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