ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
