she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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