hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
