There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
