i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize