Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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