He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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