if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need moral support for this bender
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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