I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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