it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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