last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
