Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
