I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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