k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
