apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
