I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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