every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize