i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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