i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
