I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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