No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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