his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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