you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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