You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
