today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
