Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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