My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
