Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
