If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize