my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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