The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
