Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
