That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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