I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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