hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
