Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize