my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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