which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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