sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
