glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
