She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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