covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
third nipple confirmed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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