Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
