Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
